Our path to homeschooling

Who would have thought that I would be teaching my three boys at home? Not my friends or family, that is for sure. I love my children, but I relished my mommy time after they walked out the door each morning. I know, sounds harsh, but hey, find me a mom of three boys who wouldn't agree. 

 Whose homework?

So how did this busy mom with a budding career in real estate become a homeschooling momma? Good question. The boys never flourished in the one-size-fits-all school environment and I was a far cry from a model PTA mom. I struggled with the boys going to school, not because I missed them terribly but because the endless string of papers that would find their way into backpacks and hours of homework each evening felt like a second job for me. At least three days a week, I would get a call about forgotten lunches, homework assignments, or improper attire. Funny, looking back, I never realized just how stressful my life had been within the confines of traditional schooling.

Now, at least half of the blame for this craziness can land solidly on the shoulders of the boys. Communication and organization skills are critical for any child attending school. Both parent and child need a system, and let's just say we never found ours. We plugged away year after year, and we signed on for the IEP (Individual Education Plan) for kids who have very disorganized parents and other "disabilities." Each year we attended meeting after meeting and I became well known in each school the boys attended. Maybe it was my eccentric dress, or my warm and friendly smile, but regardless, they were known as the McMurphy Boys, and I was their creative and intelligent mother.

Where is this all leading? Well, we reached a tipping point when our oldest, Austin, entered 6^th grade. We were warned it would be a particularly difficult year for him. He would be moving from elementary school to the dreaded middle school. Instead of working with his teachers one on one, I didn't know any of them. Austin became responsible for all communication to and from home. He was the king of his information stream, and let's just say, he took advantage of mom's distracted mind and disorganized life. We did not exactly fail the 6^th grade, but we were not passing with flying colors either. And what exactly does a mother do when a team, (my son had an entire team in his corner), tells you that there is nothing more they can do? These seven teachers, all from a prestigious school system in Central Ohio, were at their wit's end with him. Now, I am not sure what a wit's end is exactly, but I think I get there at least once a week. The single and defining difference is that at the end of the day, I love Austin. I love all three of my children, and in fact know I would jump in front of a moving bus for them.  Some days homeschooling makes me feel like I have not only jumped in front of that moving bus, but that I have been run over by it, and drug behind it a bit. Each and every day, with rocks in my hair and scraped knees, I climb into bed, and think, maybe I failed them today, but tomorrow will be better.

You see, we really had reached the end of our rope. Many homeschoolers know from the time their children are born that they will not send them to traditional schools. My husband and I on the other hand had dutifully sent our boys out the door each morning to attend school in the manner in which we were both raised.   But when I looked at the boys, especially at Austin, I saw pain and hurt.  I was witnessing a boy who had been happy and carefree before 6^th grade. Before my eyes, he was becoming what some wanted to label depressed and withdrawn. He would sulk and mope through the school halls, eat lunch by himself then hunker down in the library pouring over book after book of his choosing, until the bell would ring signaling his need to return to the grind of the classroom. Already diagnosed with ADHD, the teachers began to inquire as to whether Austin had a myriad of other ailments, such as Oppositional Defiance Behavior and Depression. It became like a train we could not control until around March, when we decided enough was enough. Homeschooling Austin became our only option.

Now What?

Our decision to homeschool was liberating and empowering for the entire family. Once we made the decision for Austin, it was clear that keeping all three boys home would benefit all of them. We began drafting our escape plan, which included moving away from the suburban area of Dublin, Ohio to a quiet setting in the country. The most exciting part of the process was planning exactly what type of schooling we wanted to give the boys. We asked ourselves, what is it we want to pass on to them? What do we, as individuals, have to offer? What are our priorities? Well, the list is rather long. Creativity flows through this family like an artesian well. We love to see how days naturally take shape. Even before homeschooling, the boys were always making things out of scraps and remnants of other things. The most important item on the list was language acquisition. I speak both Portuguese and Spanish, in addition to my native English, so passing on the ability to learn languages and speak them was on the top of my list. My husband is a genius with computers and the boys have been exposed to them from infancy, not just their screens and keyboards, but their parts and components as well. Once we had this list, we had our direction.

In the beginning of May, as a celebration of our decision to teach the boys at home, I took them out of school for two weeks and made a trek from Ohio to the Redwoods in Northern CA. No one could deny there was an extra zip in Austin's step, and a levity had returned to his spirit. 

This homeschooling journey has helped me realize that what others perceive as disabilities and shortcomings, are simply our family's way of living out of the box. It's what makes us unique and enriches us. Without the constraints of a cookie cutter education, our children are thriving because they can be who we have raised them to be. We had encouraged our boys to question the things they heard, to politely defend their side of an argument, and to advocate for their beliefs. All things that failed them in the traditional school setting. We believe that an education is best acquired by going out and experiencing the world first hand. During our two week road trip, we visited State and National Parks between Ohio and California. We researched the ecology of the Redwoods before we left and photographed our journey from start to finish. Then we painted the path on a huge map mounted to a large piece of canvas and tinted green. It is an experience they will never forget, and became the blueprint for their education.

Words of wisdom

Now as we embark on our next journey, I sit here recanting each moment of our journey that has lead to this point in time. Yes, some days I feel beaten and bruised, but most days I feel blessed and bewildered. I enjoy my children now. I enjoy the things they do, the way they make me laugh. We spend so much time together, and it amazes me how we have changed and grown. We have reconnected and bonded. They care for one another and are becoming wonderful, insightful young men.

Sometimes the thing we are forced to do, becomes the thing we should have done all along.